Greetings: the right reflex by context
In Russia, a firm handshake between men is the norm in business life, on the street and even between friends. It lasts longer than in Western Europe, and skipping it reads as deliberate distance, even an affront.
Between women, handshakes are less systematic but expected in professional settings. No cheek kisses between strangers — the Mediterranean two- or three-kiss greeting is simply not part of the register. Between same-sex close friends, a brief hug sometimes occurs, never a kiss on the cheek.
Between a man and a woman in a formal setting, the woman extends her hand first — the man waits for the gesture. In a friendly setting, an older Russian man may symbolically lift the woman's hand to his lips (without actual contact), and this remains appreciated.
systematic handshake between men, no default cheek kisses, the woman extends her hand first in professional settings.
Formal address and the use of names
Russian distinguishes "ты" (informal) and "вы" (formal) like French or German, but usage is stricter. The casual switch to first-name terms common in English-speaking offices does not exist. Formal address by default, no exceptions, until an explicit suggestion — usually phrased "Можно на ты?" ("Can we switch to informal?").
More subtly: Russian uses first name + patronymic in formal contexts. Example: Valentin Sergeyevich (Valentin son of Sergey). This combination applies at work with superiors, in administrative dealings, and with older people. Switching to the first name alone signals real social closeness.
The diminutive form (Vanya for Ivan, Masha for Maria, Sasha for Alexander/Alexandra) is reserved for close circles. Never diminutivize a stranger's name, even if they introduce themselves by their diminutive — wait for tacit or explicit permission.
Visiting someone's home
Being invited into a Russian home is a meaningful gesture — hospitality remains sacred. A few non-negotiable rules:
- Take off your shoes at the entrance. The host almost always offers slippers (тапочки, tapochki). Refusing comes across as obvious disrespect.
- Bring a gift: flowers (always an odd number — even numbers are for funerals), a box of chocolates, a good bottle (wine or cognac), a small object from your country. Avoid pointed objects (knives, scissors) traditionally associated with cutting ties.
- Do not refuse to eat. The Russian table is generous and refusing dishes systematically reads badly. Better to take a small amount of everything than nothing at all.
- Toasts are given standing, glass raised, looking each guest in the eye. The first toast usually goes to the host, the second to the women ("за женщин"). A short toast always beats a long improvised speech.
Table and restaurant codes
At the table, elbows stay on the table between courses, contrary to Western European practice. Hands under the table read as evasive.
Portions are generous. Leaving a little food on your plate subtly signals you have eaten well — finishing perfectly sometimes implies you are still hungry and the host will refill immediately.
In a restaurant, do not whistle for the waiter or snap fingers. A simple "Девушка" (young lady) or "Молодой человек" (young man) said politely with a discreet gesture is enough. Standard tipping is 10 to 15 percent in mid-range and high-end restaurants, preferably in cash directly to the server.
The flower gift: precise rules
Flowers in Russia follow extremely codified rules. Three absolute rules:
- Odd number (3, 5, 7, 9, 11). Even numbers are for funerals and memorials.
- No yellow chrysanthemums (mourning) or white callas (mourning) outside grief contexts.
- Red roses = romantic. Giving them to an office colleague or your host's mother sends an unintended signal. Choose tulips, gerberas, eustomas or mixed bouquets.
For March 8 (International Women's Day, a major holiday in Russia), every man brings flowers to the women in his circle: spouses, mothers, sisters, colleagues, assistants, neighbors. Skipping it reads as a serious oversight.
Public space and metro etiquette
In the Moscow or Saint Petersburg metro, the rule is to give up your seat to elderly people, pregnant women and small children. Priority seat signage is respected more strictly than in Paris or London.
Silence is expected: no loud phone calls, no music without headphones, no group laughter. Russians, on the street and in transit, smile little at strangers — a spontaneous smile at a stranger may be read as mockery or unwanted advance. This does not mean coldness: in the private circle, Russian friendship is demonstrative.
Business and negotiation etiquette
In a business context, punctuality is expected to the minute. An unjustified delay reads as disrespect. Conversely, your Russian counterpart may make you wait — this often reads as an implicit test of your patience and perceived hierarchical status.
Business cards should be presented in Russian and English. Hand them over with both hands, with a slight bow, and read the received card carefully before pocketing it — stuffing it without looking is offensive.
Russian negotiations are more direct than in the English-speaking commercial culture. They get to the point quickly, accept blunt verbal confrontation, and unexpected humor has its place. Concessions are rare at the start and arrive at the end. A written contract remains essential even when verbal trust seems established.
Behaviors to avoid absolutely
- Putting feet on furniture or showing the sole of your shoe: very rude.
- Whistling indoors: persistent superstition, equivalent to "whistling money out."
- Shaking hands across a threshold: bad luck. Step inside fully before greeting.
- Refusing a toast without a medical reason: insulting. Sipping is enough but raising the glass is mandatory.
- Criticizing Russia or Putin without knowing your interlocutor: a sensitive subject, avoid in a business setting until trust is established.
Bottom line
Russian etiquette is more formal and codified than the clichés suggest. The trio formal address + name-patronymic + punctuality opens nearly every professional door. In the private sphere, hospitality respect (shoes off, gift brought, toast raised, dishes accepted) counts more than mastering the Russian language itself. A few mistakes are forgiven to a foreigner who shows respect; repeated arrogance or carelessness, however, closes doors lastingly.
